Think cancer

I have cancer and sometimes this seems to be the only thing I can think about. I know people often say sometimes they can only think about one particular thing, but cancer is one of the biggest particular things you can ever have to think about. When I think about cancer I think about losing organs, shitting in bags, pissing down pipes, of giant scars and risk factors. I think of side effects and medicines and alternative medicines. I think of dying, living and somewhere in between.

At the time of writing this I am thinking about cancer a lot. I think I am thinking about it so much because of other stressful things going on in my life: I got a parking fine, a borrowed car was almost towed, I spent an hour in the welfare office, I yelled at Sana, I was told I looked like crap by my Chinese doctor, house hunting and then moving, eating right, drinking right, meditating right, exercising right, family members fighting.

Sometimes I feel as though I am facing all these things on my own. And then I remember that I am never really on my own because Cancer is with me every step of the way.