June 14, 2011

Think cancer

I have cancer and sometimes this seems to be the only thing I can think about. I know people often say sometimes they can only think about one particular thing, but cancer is one of the biggest particular things you can ever have to think about. When I think about cancer I think about losing organs, shitting in bags, pissing down pipes, of giant scars and risk factors. I think of side effects and medicines and alternative medicines. I think of dying, living and somewhere in between.

At the time of writing this I am thinking about cancer a lot. I think I am thinking about it so much because of other stressful things going on in my life: I got a parking fine, a borrowed car was almost towed, I spent an hour in the welfare office, I yelled at Sana, I was told I looked like crap by my Chinese doctor, house hunting and then moving, eating right, drinking right, meditating right, exercising right, family members fighting.

Sometimes I feel as though I am facing all these things on my own. And then I remember that I am never really on my own because Cancer is with me every step of the way.


  1. You are never alone because people love you.

  2. Don't be silly, Ben Ben. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! YOU ARE NEVER ALONE!!! You have your friends, more and more follows, your firl, your BaBa and TWO MAMAS. And there are soooooooooooooooooooooo many people that even you don't know them. WE all value YOU. YOU ARE OUR PRECIOUS!!!


  3. Yep, I love you too. Hope you can tune in to some calm zone from time to time and get a break from worrying. Looking forward to reading this blog in a few months when all this stressful uncertainty is past–and in a couple of years when it's a distant memory and you are just you.

  4. You're not alone Ben. I'm with you. In fact, I 'think' about you every day. :D